


Hospital for souls.

by lizzieboo22



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 06:43:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzieboo22/pseuds/lizzieboo22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary; Louis Sick of hiding, and Harry's finally ready to tell the truth.</p>
<p>Warnings; Major character death, angst, trigger warnings.</p>
<p>Word count;1,456.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hospital for souls.

**Author's Note:**

> I highly suggesy listening to Hospital for souls-bmth while reading its what inspired me. Also this is two year from now and I hope this is okay, ive never written anything like this before..

This is it, he couldn't do it anymore. He was so sick of hiding, so sick of pretending to be something hes not. This was the night it was over. He grabbed a pen and a single piece of paper and began writing.

Dear Haz,  
I'm sorry.

Before I go into great detail for what I'm sorry for, promise you'll read this to the end no matter what?

Good.

Harry Styles, its been a long couple of years what is it 6 now? God I remember the day we formed like it was yesterday. Simon gave us the news and we jumped around hugging like there would never be a tomorrow. And well, for me there wont be anymore.

I'm sitting here on your bed, wrapped in your blankets that hold your smell for the last time, I swear this is the only place I find comfort.

I'm so glad you weren't here tonight, I don't want you to hear me crying love, I'm glad you decided to go out with Megan. She'll be good to you, I know it.

Harry, I know you don't understand why you're finding me like this, and I will explain, I just want to give you a few messages for others as well.

First, My family. Tell my mother and sisters I loved them beyond anything, they were one of the only things that kept me going, they're smiles and laughs, I'm going to miss them so much. Tell mum to take care of the girls and you help too, they're going to need an older brother now that I'm gone, I want them to grow up happy, I don't want to be missed.

Second, The boys. Please Harry, Please let them know how much they meant to me? I don't know where I would be without them. These past years have been amazing and I found a different type of family in you guys I never thought I would find. I love them Harry. Please let them know that Ill miss them.

And third, The fans. Let them know I'm so thankful for the support they've given us and I'm so grateful they gave us this opportunity. I cant imagine life any different now, yaknow?

Now I can tell you. Harry since the day I meant you in 2010 in the bathroom I knew there was something special about you. I didn't know what, but when we were put in the band together I knew something was right about you. I realized not long after that, I was in love with you. God Harry I'm so in love with you.

I swear everything about you was perfect. The way your curls fell, your eyes in the sunlight, how you looked waking up beside me or falling asleep next to me, holding my hand on the gearshift driving blasting your stupid hipster music and your general personality Haz. It just complimented me so well. I think we would have been perfect.

And that's why you're finding me here. I cant pretend anymore, I cant act like I don't love you any longer. I cant hide it from you. The boys have caught on, but I don't think you have. And if you have you don't acknowledge it.

Don't think this is your fault though love, it was never your fault. This is my problem. Even if I did tell you what good what it do me? We'd end up spiraling downwards because how awkward would that have made us? haha. Could you imagine looking at me after Haz, I don't think you would have been able to. I know I couldn't knowing you didn't love me too.

But I don't want you to go missing me Harry, I'm happy now, I don't have to hide anymore. Don't you see I can be happy knowing you're happy too. I don't have to watch everyone else have you when I cant. I just..

Goodbye Hazza..

Love Loubear.

He folded the note and put it in his hand. He had this carefully planned. Harry should be home for another hour or so and it was enough time to finish this all. He picked up his blade, the one he'd been using for years now, slightly duller than it once was and he had to press harder to make a cut but he liked that. Made him feel better.

After carving a small word on his thigh he picked up the bottle of sleeping pills and popped nine of them in his mouth washing it down with as much vodka as he could manage at once. Already feeling slight wooziness he picked up his blade and the note again and walked to the tub.

He had filled it with hot water before writing the note, it had run cold now but he didn't care. Stepping in he hissed at the cold from his feet to his calves before settling down in the water and leaning back. He picked up the blade again and brought it to his wrist, pushing as hard as he could he dragged it vertically down the vein watching as the blood poured out before doing the same to the other.

Gripping the note in his right hand that hung over the side of the tub getting his blood on the floor Louis drifted off slowly. He faintly heard the front door open and Harry call for him, but it was too late. It was all over.

Louis managed a small whisper of "love you Haz" before he finally drifted for good

***

Everybody wants to go to Heaven  
But nobody wants to die  
I can't fear death no longer  
I've died a thousand times

***

Harry had just come home from meeting with his friend Megan, she had been his support for over a year now when he couldn't talk to anyone else about Louis.

This was the night it was all over. He was going to tell Louis he loved him, his hiding was going to end.

"Loubear?" Harry called into the quiet house. There was no response.

The bathroom light was on as Harry got closer his stomach began to sink, he had a bad feeling. Something was wrong, he had no idea how he knew that, he just did.

He approached the bathroom door and knocked quietly.

"Lou" Harry asked voice barely over a whisper. There was still no response.

Harry opened the door slowly and what awaited him brought him to his knees. His body reacted before his mind did and he was already sobbing, chest tightening trying to breath as he picked up all the pills scattered over the floor and recapped the bottle placed it on the counter.

Harry crawled over to the side of the tub and gripped Louis hand. Cold to the touch Harry knew it was too late when he first came in. His knees were resting in the puddle of Louis blood as he stroked his hair back and kissed his head. When he grabbed his hand he felt something pushing against his own.

As he opened his hand he pulled out a folded piece of paper, opening it he began to read, teardrops leaving stains on the paper and seeping through.

Louis loved him and he didn't see it. It was to late now.

Harry lifted Louis from the tub and hugged him to his chest. Speaking to him in between sobs.

"Lou, why would you leave me. I loved you, I loved you more than you knew and now its to late. Now ill never get the chance to hold your hand in public or marry you in front of our parents. Ill never be able to be a parent with you Lou. God-" Harry stopped trying to breath again before he broke out into hysterics

"LOU PLEASE, PLEASE COME BACK" Harry screamed shaking him slightly "B-BABY PLEASE, WAKE UP, I CANT DO THIS I CANT BE WITHOUT YOU LOU" sobbing Harry broke down piece by piece. "Louis.. Loubear.. how do I just go on?" he asked out loud waiting for an answer that wasn't coming.

Harry couldn't do this. He wouldn't. If Lou thought he could just walk away like this hes wrong. Harry would be right after him. As Harry brought the blade to his wrist he noticed something small on Louis thigh. He set it down and read the words over again.

"Be Brave"

Tracing the words with his fingers over and over again while whispering sweet words of love to Louis he drifted off to sleep with his boy in his arms.

***  
Hold me close, don't let go, watch me.  
In this hospital for souls.  
Hold me close, don't let go, watch me burn.  
In this hospital for souls.


End file.
